So finaly I got hit by the crap that my kids have been bringing home from school. Kaylana was really sick, had a fever of 101.4 and cuddled with me most of the afternoon and into the night and I barely slept and ended up sick myself. Its been horrible, I'm miserable, and if my being sick and miserable on my own isn't enough I have sick children on top of it

I accidently missed my meds too many times and now I'm a wreck. I'm bawling my eyes out as I write this in fact. The depression is setting in pretty good and I feel like I am dying inside. All I can do now is keep up on getting them everyday and hope my mood lifts again soon and in the mean time not give up. I haven't really been around for a while and I may not be around much with all this going on.

its amazing how happy 3 shots of vodka can make a person feel, unfortunately for me I have no alcohol in my system lol. So I am feeling the effects of all the stress and crap going on. No matter how sucky things have been I don't really find myself wishing I hadn't failed my suicide attempt last Sept so thats at least a good thing.
School starts next week so things are going to majorly change around here. This will be the first year both the kids are going to be at school. Kaylana is preK so she will only go half a day 4 days a week but for the first time my son will be at school full time. He was in the virtual program until this year, I just can't keep up on it anymore, my illnesses are kicking my ass just a little too much for that extra level of responsibility. I'm a little scared for them but I am also very excited for some free time. And I will actually be able to keep up on all the housework for once and with them gone most of the day things will actually stay clean. I swear no sooner do we get the toys picked up and the vaccuming done kaylana is dumping over the toy box again lol
At any rate I feel like I am being crushed by a mountain of stress but I can't entirely place the source of it

lately I've had this horrible habbit of hurting my best guy friend. I don't mean to at all, I love him dearly and he means the world to me but I swear lately I can't open my mouth without making him feel bad.
Things have been all stressful for us both lately, but that just makes it all the worse that I have been making him feel badly. I'm just besides myself with what to do. I don't know how to make things better. I feel so badly.
So things have gotten better in some ways but have stayed suckish in others. I would like things to go back to normal but I don't know if they ever will.

Things seem to be looking up a bit. I'm feeling sad at the moment and this burn is still giving me hell but overall I am starting to do better. I've never been one to tell people to becareful about sun exposure and I'm not going to start except to say just becareful about tender areas that rarely see the sun lol I changed the dressing on this thing last night and started bleeding. I had so much pain from the burn I couldn't even handle changing out my gauges. I'm going from 4G pinchers to a 4G flared plug, because the plug is flared its a littler harder to get in, I slipped it in my left ear ok but I made my right ear bleed pretty good trying to get it in there so I threw in one of the plugs that came with my pinchers for the time being and I'll try again in a few days.
Eric is planning a nice afternoon out for the family so hopefully that will help me feel happy, and getting some time to chat with my best guy friend Jonathon before I have to leave will lift my spirits some too.
I'm having some anxiety issues again and I'm back to not being able to eat much if anything. It sucks, but like the insomnia I just take it as it comes deal as best as I can. My best friend Dawn gave me a great idea for a drawing which I'd like to start on soon. I just have way to many projects going.